Hanasanaide
by The Mistress of Yaoi
Summary: Nine years has passed since the massacre and Sasuke blames himself. What happens when Itachi finally comes back and proclaims his love to his little brother? Blahhh terrible summary xD ItaSasu UCHIHACEST c: includes self-harm in later chapters. Sasuke: 16 ; Itachi: 22? 23? .-. I don't know how much older Ita is than Sasu... xD might be M-rated in later chaps... maybe. I don't know.
1. Hallucinations

I tossed the flat stone across the surface of the lake that stretched across the horizon with an endless look and watched as the stone skipped once, twice, thrice. I sighed and looked to the mirror surface of the water. Seeing my reflection, I kicked it harshly in annoyance. As the water stilled, I nearly jumped out of my skin, Itachi stood behind me, his hand on my shoulder and a smile playing on his lips. I turned to him with a big smile of my own.

"Nii-san*!" I cooed happily and wrapped my arms around his neck once he had leaned down to me. I hugged him tightly until I felt something sticky on him. I pulled back to look at him and realized he was covered in crimson blood. Itachi's face was blank as I looked at my hands, flinching when I saw them. They were covered in blood as well.

When I looked back up, Itachi was gone. I raced around the village calling for my nii-san, though I received no answer. That was when I realized all of the people from the village were coming out form their homes and closing around me. I yelled once more for Itachi, becoming intensely scared.

Voices clouded my mind; all the villagers had begun chanting: "It's your entire fault, Sasuke. It's your entire fault." I saw my parents and ran for my mother. Before I could reach her, Fugaku backhanded me as mother sobbed her eyes out.

"Why, Sasuke? Why couldn't you have saved us from Itachi? Why do you love him even after he murdered your entire clan?" Fugaku's voice was like steel.

I screamed as a searing pain went through my back; someone had stabbed me with a long katana*. Why didn't Itachi save me? My vision blackened for a moment before clearing. I coughed harshly and something sticky and thicker than water splattered down my chin. Itachi stood in front of me, bloody katana in hand, as I fell to my knees, the villagers already dispersing. I stretched my bloodied hand out to Itachi, struggling to stand. I fell flat on my face and felt like I was being drowned, the blood pooling in my lungs no doubt. When I looked back up to Itachi, he was gone. His voice echoed through my head, though.

"I would never love you, Sasuke. You are weak and useless. I left you alive because you were not even worth killing. It's your fault they're dead, Sasuke. All yours and yours alone. I never loved you, and I never will. You're pathetic for thinking I would."

* * *

I woke up screaming, tears pouring down my cheeks, my pillow damp from hours of tears soaking into it. I panted heavily and clutched my chest with my hand. Nine years after the massacre and the nightmares still plagued me every night. This was the most sleep I had gotten in weeks, and I had only been asleep for five hours. I sat in my bed until my trembling slowed. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head in my hands as I wept silently.

It took ten minutes for my nerves to calm. I sobbed for ten minutes, and now I just felt numb. I got out of bed and pulled on my black shorts and high collared black shirt with the Uchiha emblem on the back. Tugging on my forehead protector and shoes, I headed outside, regardless of the stars and moon above. I jumped into a nearby tear and began my journey to what used to be _our _place.

By the time I reached my destination, I was chilled to the bone and clouds had covered the moon. Snow covered the ground in a thin blanket. The cold was welcomed, though; at least I wouldn't feel numb if I was cold. Slowly, I trudged over to _our_ pond. I fell to my knees, ignoring the burning cold on them as I did, and looked at my reflection. My hair was disheveled and my eyes were red from crying; I was a disgrace to the Uchiha name. I threw a rather large stone at my reflection in anger and covered my eyes with my palms. More accurately, I dug my palms into my eyes to force myself not to cry.

"Why so sad, little brother?" A voice behind me called out. I jumped and raised my head, without looking behind me; I knew that voice anywhere. I furiously shook my head.

"This isn't real. I'm hallucinating. Nii-san can't be here," I whispered hoarsely.

"Still calling me 'nii-san', otouto*? Honestly, you're sixteen now and you're still seeking your older brother's comfort?"

This time I turned around; Itachi was ten feet away, a smirk tugging on his lips. His face was more worn than the last time I saw him, making him appear older than his age at 21. His eyes were cold and emotionless and his attire consisted of a black cloak with red clouds on it. _The Akatsuki… _I thought to myself. _So that's what he's been doing since the massacre… _

"No…" I whispered hysterically. "You aren't here. You can't be..! Why.. Why!"

"I'm really here, otouto," Itachi said carefully, sensing my wavering mental stability. My whole world tilted and I closed my eyes, waiting for the impact of the ground. It never came. I opened my eyes and found myself staring into Itachi's crimson ones; he had caught me and I lay in his lap. I reached up and placed my hand on his cheek. My cold fingers met Itachi's warm flesh.

"Y-You're here…" I gasped and moved my hands to his chest, clutching the front of his cloak. "Don't leave me, aniki*! Don't go! Please…" My world was slowly fading into darkness and I only hope this seemingly real hallucination would end soon.

Itachi held me tightly against him and kissed my forehead, my cheeks, the tip of my nose, and, briefly, my lips. I knew I was dreaming this because only dream Itachi would treat me so gently and kiss my lips. Real Itachi hates me. He would never love me. The thought of my aniki never loving me brought tears to my eyes.

"I'm here, otouto. Sleep, koi*." Itachi brushed his lips over my now closed eyelids and ran his fingers through my hair. I wasn't sure if it was the lack of sleep, or a genjutsu* Itachi put on me, but I was out immediately. The last word I whispered before I was completely gone was one from our childhood.

"Hanasanaide*."

Nii-san = older brother  
Katana = Japanese sword  
otouto = little brother  
aniki = beloved older brother  
koi = my love  
genjutsu= I don't think I'm using the right word here.. Correct me if I'm wrong.  
Hanasanaide = Don't let go

* * *

EDIT: I changed their ages so it went with the plot more. I've already written 20 plus pages, but typing them takes so long.. And I even type fast! It's a long process so forgive me! Gomen for the wait! ... To those who don't know, Gomen is I'm sorry c:

xoxo  
TMOY


	2. I was always there

_ Itachi held me tightly against him and kissed my forehead, my cheeks, the tip of my nose, and, briefly, my lips. I knew I was dreaming this because only dream Itachi would treat me so gently and kiss my lips. Real Itachi hates me. He would never love me. The thought of my aniki never loving me brought tears to my eyes. _

_ "I'm here, otouto. Sleep, koi*." Itachi brushed his lips over my now closed eyelids and ran his fingers through my hair. I wasn't sure if it was the lack of sleep, or a genjutsu Itachi put on me, but I was out immediately. The last word I whispered before I was completely gone was one from our childhood. _

_ "Hanasanaide*." _

I woke up hours later in my bed alone. I concluded that I had only dreamed Itachi being here and fought the tears that were forming in my eyes. I sat up and hugged my knees to my chest, resting my forehead on them and trying my hardest not to cry. "Itachi.." I breathed, barely audible, releasing a single stray tear.

"What is it, otouto?" I snapped my head up and stared at the dark figure in the shadows of my doorway. Itachi stepped into the light streaming from my window. His arms were crossed and a playful smirk crossed his lips. I only felt one emotion.

"Surprised, little brother? You're the one who told me not to leave, right? I'm really here-" Itachi stopped mid-sentence as a shuriken was thrown at his head. He just managed to dodge it before it hit him square in the face. "O-otouto?"

Rage. I only felt rage. He killed my family. They're blaming me. I haven't slept for more than six hours a night since the massacre. It's _his _fault, not mine. It's his fault they're dead. It's his fault I'm alone. It's his fault I never fit in. It's his fault people fear I'll turn into a mass murderer like him. It's his fault.

I was kneeling on the bed, head bowed with bangs covering my eyes. My weapon pouch sat next to me on the bed, another shuriken in my hand.

"Why are you here, Itachi?" My voice was low and threatening.

"Sasuke, what are you..?" Itachi took a step towards me. Too close. I looked up as my sharingan glowed a furious crimson. I threw the shuriken fast; Itachi didn't move in time and it lodged in his shoulder. I quickly grabbed two kunai* from the pouch and threw them as well. Still distracted from the shock of me actually hitting his shoulder, the two kunai hit in the middle of his thighs. Itachi fell to his knees and I looked back down.

"Why are you here?" I repeated, my voice cold and emotionless. By the sound of metal clanking to the ground, I assumed Itachi had taken the weapons out of his wounds.

"Sasuke, I know you have nightmares every night. I know you need me. You cry out for me in your sleep. You miss me and I miss you, otouto. Why can't you admit that? Every night, you cry out for me and I always comfort you. I've always been here, otouto. I always watched over you. I never left," Itachi whispered, pain evident in his voice.

"H-How do you know about the nightmares?" I mentally cursed myself for stuttering as Itachi took notice, standing up and taking another step towards me.

"I told you. I never left. I come here every night and I have for the last nine years. I never let you see me, though. I knew this is exactly how you would react. So please, Sasuke, just calm do-" I cut him off again.

"Stop lying! Stop! I can't take any more lies! Haven't you done enough?!" My voice was hysterical.

"Sasuke-"

"It hurts… Make it stop!" I gripped my hair tightly in my fists and stared ahead of me with wide eyes, not really seeing anything in particular. Itachi took one more step.

"Sasuke, let me-" Itachi tried again.

"MAKE IT STOP!" I roared and my vision shook. That's not right; my entire body was shaking roughly. "It hurts!"

Itachi, despite his steadily bleeding legs and shoulder, ran over to me in a speed that only he could manage and hit a pressure point in my neck that immediately made me lose all feeling. I fell over onto my side on the bed and my vision dimmed. The last thing I saw before my eyes slipped close was Itachi's onyx eyes, the eyes from my childhood that showed emotion and didn't wield the sharingan all the time. Somehow, it calmed me to know that he had let his walls down enough to show me his emotions. His name was whispered in a small, weak voice that I recognized as my own as I faded into oblivion.


	3. Healing Wounds, old and new

Authoress Note: After much agitation, here it is! XD I was going to change the entire chapter and the next one just to make this all work, but I couldn't because of certain events that HAD to happen -_- My notebook was all full so I had ripped this story out. It was stapled together in a packet... I got so pissed I ripped it out of the packet and threw it around the room laughing maniacally... It's been a long day. xD I had to resort the entire 20+ pages... Feel special I'm not abandoning this series already xD

~TMOY

_"MAKE IT STOP!" I roared and my vision shook. That's not right; my entire body was shaking roughly. "It hurts!"_

_Itachi, despite his steadily bleeding legs and shoulder, ran over to me in a speed that only he could manage and hit a pressure point in my neck that immediately made me lose all feeling. I fell over onto my side on the bed and my vision dimmed. The last thing I saw before my eyes slipped close was Itachi's onyx eyes, the eyes from my childhood that showed emotion and didn't wield the sharingan all the time. Somehow, it calmed me to know that he had let his walls down enough to show me his emotions. His name was whispered in a small, weak voice that I recognized as my own as I faded into oblivion._

I woke up sometime later with a massive headache. I looked out the window, groggily rubbing my eyes. I had slept an entire day! I glanced at my clock. It was nearly 12 PM and it's Sunday! _Fuck! Kakashi is going to kill me! I can't be late!_ I jumped out of my bed and threw on my usual training clothes; my high collared black shirt with the Uchiha emblem on the back, black shorts, Konoha headband, and white arm bands. I attached my weapon pouch to my leg like always and near sprinted to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth in a rush and ran my fingers through my onyx spikes. Usually I spent twenty minutes or more on my hair, but today I had to hurry my ass up.

I bolted from my room and froze as I saw a slumped figure sleeping on the couch; I had forgotten Itachi was here. All the memories of my hysteria came back to me full force. I gritted my teeth as I remembered hurting Itachi. I saw the bandages on his legs and exposed shoulder; Itachi had taken off his cloak and laid it on the chair next to him. Blood was seeping through his bandages, a sight that would have frightened me before the massacre. I began unwrapping his soiled bandages silently, deep in thought.

"Sasuke..? What are you doing..?" I jumped as Itachi's voice pierced the silence. I didn't know he had woken up.

"Healing your wounds.. I can't do much, but at least it's something. They had begun to bleed through your bandages.." I whispered, unwrapping the last of the bandages and placing my hands over his wounds. I healed his wounds the best I could and rewrapped them. Whenever my fingers brushed his bare skin, we both shivered. It felt like electricity passing between us.

"I'm sorry... My hysterics caused this.. I haven't slept well in a long time.. But you know that.. Sorry.." I stood up and disposed of the soiled bandages and made my way to the front door. I paused in front of it and turned back to him. "I have training.. Will you.. still be here later?"

I forced myself to act very calm and keep my face blank, but on the inside I was on the edge. One word would set me off.

"I will most likely have to leave," Itachi paused and I tried my best to hide the flash of pain that crossed my features, "but I will be back, little brother." Itachi got up slowly and I protested, fearing his wounds might reopen. Itachi ignored me and did his best to stumble over to me. I leaned over to catch him in case he fell, but he reached out, poking my forehead with two fingers like when we were young. I wanted to burst out crying at the memories of untainted happiness, but I kept my composure... on the outside.

Itachi wrapped his good arm around me and hugged me tightly against his chest. I hugged him back gently, careful of his battered state. I felt his lips brush my forehead where he had just poked me not so softly before he pulled back. I looked down, my bangs covering my eyes and blushed cheeks. I turned back to the door.

"Rest now, nii-san." I froze. Did I just call him _nii-san? _It slipped off my tongue so naturally even though it had been nine years. "J-ja ne," I stuttered and all but ran out the door. I sprinted down the street until I was near the training grounds. I slowed to a walk and shoved my hands in my pockets as I heard Team Seven arguing already; Naruto was arguing with Kakashi about something most likely trivial, and Sakura was yelling at Naruto for being immature.

As soon as they saw me, they all shut up. Naruto greeted me with his normal "Yo, teme" and Sakura cooed disgustingly, " Good afternoon, Sasuke-kun!" I replied with a "hn" and looked at Kakashi to start today's lesson. Before he could start though, Sakura began pestering me and Naruto told "Billboard Brow" to shut the hell up. Kakashi's eyebrow twitched and he shut them both up quickly. It was going to be a long ass day.

A.N.: If you haven't noticed yet, Sasuke's mood is VERY OOC and VERY bipolar-like xD the next chapter contains ANGST and self-harm xP And as you can see, I hate Sakura. I'm sorry but she pissed me off xD SAKURA HATE FTW xD

~TMOY


	4. Once more, UPDATE :D

It might be a while before I can post again. It took me 2 hours+ to type chapter 3. I have arthritous and it's super hard for me to type. My fingers are locked up now .-. But PLEASE go check out chapter 3! It took A LOT of effort! Thank you all!

xoxo

~TMOY


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